I wasn’t hungry, but I was making tacos anyway. It was time to eat. I knew that I needed to eat regardless of having an appetite or not. As I was cooking I remembered a question that a friend of mine asked me at least once a week last semester. “How do you know when your hungry?” Truthfully I always thought it was kind of a strange question. Everyone knows the answer. You are hungry when you are hungry… and that’s that. Or so I thought.
But today was different. It was time to eat but I didn’t feel hungry. There was nothing that I did to spoil my appetite this afternoon. I simply did not feel the need for food. For a moment I considered not eating. After all, if I wasn’t feeling hungry then why eat? I ended up eating despite my lack of hunger because I knew I would need the sustenance to get through tonight’s Urinetown rehearsal.
I have a point I promise! Just read on!
When my friend asked the question “How do you know when you are hungry?” he was talking about physical hunger… But this got my mind spinning. As I pondered the different kinds of hunger I thought of spiritual hunger. How do you know if you are spiritually hungry? If it’s possible to not know when you are physically hungry then wouldn’t it also be possible to not know you are spiritually hungry?
Think about a day where you skipped a meal because of your schedule. There were many days in college, especially during exams, where I would unintentionally miss a meal. Usually it was because I was so hyped up on coffee and studying that my mind blinded itself to the reality that I needed food to survive. But the actuality was that I needed food more in my intense studying than in normal life.
The following is my theory. (I’m sure you have all been eagerly awaiting this! ha!) Many people have a spiritual hunger and don’t even realize it. They have gotten so used to the sensation of being hungry that they are no longer aware of the feeling. If it can happen in the physical since then I think that it is only reasonable to think it applies to the spiritual part of us too.
Level-headedness suggests that food, real physical food, is all we need… This simply is not the case. Jesus said in Luke 4:4 that “man shall not live by bread alone.” Furthermore in John 6:35 he says “I am the bread of life; whoever comes to me shall not hunger…” Whether or not you believe in the Bible, you must agree that humans usually long for something more than what this life offers… We at least long for something better. But often, better things never seem to come. As a result we get bitter, depressed, angry ect. As I examine my life, the times when I recognize my spiritual hunger and eat, are the times when I sense joy and fulfillment. It’s safe to say that realizing spiritual hunger is not quite so simple as physical hunger but it is equally important for your health and quality of life.
It doesn’t really matter how you know if you are hungry (at least in the spiritual since). If you haven’t eaten in a while then you are hungry! Plain and simple! So why not eat? It can’t do any harm.
Thursday, June 23, 2011
Monday, June 20, 2011
Where is Santa?
Waiting is a strange concept. In my experience it makes me cringe with discontentment. To wait leaves the mind feeling uneasy… wanting to do something… It is natural to want to get things over with just to end the wait. Of course everyone knows that learning to wait is good for a person. It teaches discipline and patience. It also makes the thing that you have been waiting for even sweeter when it finally comes to fruition.
Since graduation I feel like I have been playing a waiting game. I have been support raising and planning lessons for classes, but these things seem to only produce more anticipation. My heart and mind are not in America any more. They are in Japan. I therefore feel that restless sensation you get when you just want to get something over with. It’s the feeling achieved when you have only one more exam to take and you have studied all that you possibly can, yet the exam is still a few hours away.
Every day I see friends and wonder if I will see them again before I go. Sometimes I wonder if being far from my close friends will be as hard as I anticipate. I hope not.
One thing that God has been teaching me thus far is that I rarely grow closer to him if I am comfortable. Fear of graduating, support raising and leaving friends has forced me to rely on him much more than I am accustomed to. There have been so many things that I have had to rely on God for that my nights are filled with prayer. Without prayer I wouldn’t be able to sleep knowing all the change that is about to happen in my life. All in all, I have enjoyed being terrified of going to Japan… as strange as that sounds. In response to all the fear, doubt and worry God has provided contentment, assurance and peace. Seeing God provide has given me great joy.
On august 3rd I will board a plane in North Carolina and embark on what Satan tells me will be a very long nightmare. Usually when Satan tells me something is not good for me I can trust that it probably will be great. If he says it will be bitter then sweetness overflows.
Truthfully I can’t wait any more! I am like a kid on Christmas Eve! Just give me Santa! Please!!! And by Santa I mean a ride to the airport and an earlier departure date!
To bad Santa doesn’t exist!
In the meantime I will wait.
Since graduation I feel like I have been playing a waiting game. I have been support raising and planning lessons for classes, but these things seem to only produce more anticipation. My heart and mind are not in America any more. They are in Japan. I therefore feel that restless sensation you get when you just want to get something over with. It’s the feeling achieved when you have only one more exam to take and you have studied all that you possibly can, yet the exam is still a few hours away.
Every day I see friends and wonder if I will see them again before I go. Sometimes I wonder if being far from my close friends will be as hard as I anticipate. I hope not.
One thing that God has been teaching me thus far is that I rarely grow closer to him if I am comfortable. Fear of graduating, support raising and leaving friends has forced me to rely on him much more than I am accustomed to. There have been so many things that I have had to rely on God for that my nights are filled with prayer. Without prayer I wouldn’t be able to sleep knowing all the change that is about to happen in my life. All in all, I have enjoyed being terrified of going to Japan… as strange as that sounds. In response to all the fear, doubt and worry God has provided contentment, assurance and peace. Seeing God provide has given me great joy.
On august 3rd I will board a plane in North Carolina and embark on what Satan tells me will be a very long nightmare. Usually when Satan tells me something is not good for me I can trust that it probably will be great. If he says it will be bitter then sweetness overflows.
Truthfully I can’t wait any more! I am like a kid on Christmas Eve! Just give me Santa! Please!!! And by Santa I mean a ride to the airport and an earlier departure date!
To bad Santa doesn’t exist!
In the meantime I will wait.
Tuesday, May 3, 2011
Alabama Tornados
Last Wednesday afternoon was anxiety-filled for much our my beautiful state of Alabama. In the past few months I have heard of earthquakes in New Zealand killing many people and the tsunami in Japan killing thousands. Never did the fact cross my mind that Alabama had the potential for any real natural disasters. People here are used to hearing the tornado sirens sound. At most we expect a small tornado that destroys a trailer or two. This was obviously not the case last week.
I watched a live feed of the giant tornado as it obliterated the city of Tuscaloosa knowing that I had good friends in its path. It was an afternoon spend in prayer. Several tornados went just around us here in Montevallo, and Birmingham was hit very hard. I got texts messages from friends who thought they might be experiencing their last few moments on earth. "If I don't make it through this I just want yall to know that I love you..." This is not something that calms your heart when you see the rotation on the weather map just over your friends area of town!
The next day a couple of my roommate's friends from Tuscaloosa came to my house in Montevallo to charge their phones. I heard first hand from a student who had been pulling crushed dead bodies out of rubble the night before. I heard of people who's bones were protruding from their skin... or whose skin was literally falling off after the debris caught in the wind was thrown at them. This is the kind of stuff you don't hear about on the news.
The reason I am saying this is to remind everyone to keep praying for the people effected in Alabama. As the media quickly moves on to new stories it is easy to forget that it happened. People are still in shock in many areas. Its is almost a week later and thousand still don't have power or safe water to drink. Keep praying for the people here, and that God would work mightily in the hearts of people effected!
The 1.5mile wide tornado passed by downtown Birmingham.
I watched a live feed of the giant tornado as it obliterated the city of Tuscaloosa knowing that I had good friends in its path. It was an afternoon spend in prayer. Several tornados went just around us here in Montevallo, and Birmingham was hit very hard. I got texts messages from friends who thought they might be experiencing their last few moments on earth. "If I don't make it through this I just want yall to know that I love you..." This is not something that calms your heart when you see the rotation on the weather map just over your friends area of town!
The next day a couple of my roommate's friends from Tuscaloosa came to my house in Montevallo to charge their phones. I heard first hand from a student who had been pulling crushed dead bodies out of rubble the night before. I heard of people who's bones were protruding from their skin... or whose skin was literally falling off after the debris caught in the wind was thrown at them. This is the kind of stuff you don't hear about on the news.
The reason I am saying this is to remind everyone to keep praying for the people effected in Alabama. As the media quickly moves on to new stories it is easy to forget that it happened. People are still in shock in many areas. Its is almost a week later and thousand still don't have power or safe water to drink. Keep praying for the people here, and that God would work mightily in the hearts of people effected!
The 1.5mile wide tornado passed by downtown Birmingham.
Friday, April 8, 2011
Japan
This is a video that was produced by the team that I will be working with next year in Nagoya. They have been bringing supplies up to the northern part of Japan since the earthquake/ tsunami several weeks ago. Please don't forget to pray for Japan. I know it is hard to remember to pray for people who are ten thousand miles from here, but please keep Japan on your thoughts and prayers.
Friday, March 25, 2011
Summer is near... *gulp's with fear*
"If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself daily and follow me. For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will save it. For what does it profit a man if he gains the whole world and loses or forfeits himself." Luke 9:23-24
This is slowly becoming my theme verse... Not because I follow this verse, but because I need to engrain it into my hard heart. As most of you know, I am moving to Japan next year to be a missionary. The more support that comes in, and the closer it get to time for me to graduate and leave, the more I want to throw in the towel. I am terrified of leaving my school and friends. I am terrified of directing choirs. I am terrified of teaching elementary music. In a few short months all of these things that I fear will be my everyday reality. Every bit of my flesh is telling me on a daily basis "Just tell them you can't do it... that you feel God calling you to stay in America and... pick up a third major. Or maybe you can tell them that you have a life threatening disease!!! Just give back all this support and go to graduate school! Live your own life. Get a job. Buy a dog ect."
Its funny how the subconscious will mess with you! Even in all my anxiety and uncertainty I find true comfort in scripture. "Deny himself daily." I naturally seek to save my life. Going to Japan just might break me in two... but I will be better for having been broken.
Its just that... being broken in two... eaten alive... and the like... doesn't settle well in my stomach : ) Good thing there is grace for all my insecurities and lack of faith.
Now that I have talked about myself enough... please remember to pray for the Japanese as they are going through a world of heartache. Many people are experiencing pain and grief beyond what any of us could ever imagine. Pray that God could provide comfort and hope during this dark time.
This is slowly becoming my theme verse... Not because I follow this verse, but because I need to engrain it into my hard heart. As most of you know, I am moving to Japan next year to be a missionary. The more support that comes in, and the closer it get to time for me to graduate and leave, the more I want to throw in the towel. I am terrified of leaving my school and friends. I am terrified of directing choirs. I am terrified of teaching elementary music. In a few short months all of these things that I fear will be my everyday reality. Every bit of my flesh is telling me on a daily basis "Just tell them you can't do it... that you feel God calling you to stay in America and... pick up a third major. Or maybe you can tell them that you have a life threatening disease!!! Just give back all this support and go to graduate school! Live your own life. Get a job. Buy a dog ect."
Its funny how the subconscious will mess with you! Even in all my anxiety and uncertainty I find true comfort in scripture. "Deny himself daily." I naturally seek to save my life. Going to Japan just might break me in two... but I will be better for having been broken.
Its just that... being broken in two... eaten alive... and the like... doesn't settle well in my stomach : ) Good thing there is grace for all my insecurities and lack of faith.
Now that I have talked about myself enough... please remember to pray for the Japanese as they are going through a world of heartache. Many people are experiencing pain and grief beyond what any of us could ever imagine. Pray that God could provide comfort and hope during this dark time.
Saturday, March 5, 2011
A New Musical
Last night I went to see the Broadway show “Spring Awakening” in Huntsville. I really had no expectation going into it. I had listened to some of the music previously, and I knew it was a little edgy… not a show that you want to watch with your grandma.
I still don’t know my thoughts about the show. It was done extremely well. It is understandable why it won something like seven Tony awards. The performers had exceptional voices, and the music was absolutely beautiful. But I am not sure that I agree with the message being conveyed. It is the story of a bunch of hormonal adolescents in the late 1800’s who are fighting the system/ standards set up by society and the church. They desire to explore their freedom and sexuality in the face of oppression from family members and school-teachers. Issues like pre-marital sex, homosexuality, suicide, and abortion are all addressed with sometimes beautiful, but not entirely valid arguments.
I almost think I would need to see it again to be able to decide whether it was truly a good show. Any of you who have seen it, please give me your opinions!
I still don’t know my thoughts about the show. It was done extremely well. It is understandable why it won something like seven Tony awards. The performers had exceptional voices, and the music was absolutely beautiful. But I am not sure that I agree with the message being conveyed. It is the story of a bunch of hormonal adolescents in the late 1800’s who are fighting the system/ standards set up by society and the church. They desire to explore their freedom and sexuality in the face of oppression from family members and school-teachers. Issues like pre-marital sex, homosexuality, suicide, and abortion are all addressed with sometimes beautiful, but not entirely valid arguments.
I almost think I would need to see it again to be able to decide whether it was truly a good show. Any of you who have seen it, please give me your opinions!
Saturday, December 18, 2010
The Storm - Wendell Berry (love this poem!)
"We lay in our bed as in a tomb
awakened by thunder to the dark
in which our house was one with night,
and then light came as if the black
roof of the world had cracked open,
as if the night of all time had broken,
and out our window we glimpsed the world
birthwet and shining, as even
the sun at noon had never made it shine."
awakened by thunder to the dark
in which our house was one with night,
and then light came as if the black
roof of the world had cracked open,
as if the night of all time had broken,
and out our window we glimpsed the world
birthwet and shining, as even
the sun at noon had never made it shine."
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