Waiting is a strange concept. In my experience it makes me cringe with discontentment. To wait leaves the mind feeling uneasy… wanting to do something… It is natural to want to get things over with just to end the wait. Of course everyone knows that learning to wait is good for a person. It teaches discipline and patience. It also makes the thing that you have been waiting for even sweeter when it finally comes to fruition.
Since graduation I feel like I have been playing a waiting game. I have been support raising and planning lessons for classes, but these things seem to only produce more anticipation. My heart and mind are not in America any more. They are in Japan. I therefore feel that restless sensation you get when you just want to get something over with. It’s the feeling achieved when you have only one more exam to take and you have studied all that you possibly can, yet the exam is still a few hours away.
Every day I see friends and wonder if I will see them again before I go. Sometimes I wonder if being far from my close friends will be as hard as I anticipate. I hope not.
One thing that God has been teaching me thus far is that I rarely grow closer to him if I am comfortable. Fear of graduating, support raising and leaving friends has forced me to rely on him much more than I am accustomed to. There have been so many things that I have had to rely on God for that my nights are filled with prayer. Without prayer I wouldn’t be able to sleep knowing all the change that is about to happen in my life. All in all, I have enjoyed being terrified of going to Japan… as strange as that sounds. In response to all the fear, doubt and worry God has provided contentment, assurance and peace. Seeing God provide has given me great joy.
On august 3rd I will board a plane in North Carolina and embark on what Satan tells me will be a very long nightmare. Usually when Satan tells me something is not good for me I can trust that it probably will be great. If he says it will be bitter then sweetness overflows.
Truthfully I can’t wait any more! I am like a kid on Christmas Eve! Just give me Santa! Please!!! And by Santa I mean a ride to the airport and an earlier departure date!
To bad Santa doesn’t exist!
In the meantime I will wait.
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